Things That I'm Thankful For

Beginning on November 1^st, several of my friends have been counting down the days until Thanksgiving by listing the things they are thankful for each day on Facebook.  I got to thinking about it and thought that was a pretty neat idea.  In this day and age when daily life can get so hectic and stressful and when the entire world is in a depressing economic slump, it helps to remember that there are still some good things that we should be thankful for.  So in honor of the month of November and Thanksgiving, here is my list of things I am thankful for:

I am thankful for my college education and degree that has opened up new worlds of opportunity for me.

I am thankful to have a good paying job that allows me to pay the bills and live a comfortable life.  This one is especially important given that so many other people all around me right now do not have a job and are struggling to provide for their families and pay their mortgages, rent, and bills.

I am thankful that I’m a financially independent, self-sufficient woman who can take care of herself and doesn’t have to worry about anyone else or depend on anyone else.  I’m not a single mother struggling to raise a child with no education and very little money, and I’m not dependent on a man for shelter, food, money, and other necessities for survival.

I am thankful that I have a healthy, attractive, fully-functioning body that I am happy with and wouldn’t change a thing about it.  No breast implants or liposuction for this girl!!

I am thankful that I have a handsome, sweet, hard-working, gentleman in my life who has shown me so much kindness, understanding, and respect.  He is truly a rare prize and I thank God everyday that I know him.

I am thankful for my goofy, crazy, fun-loving Barnstable family who has accepted me with open arms since the day I was born.  They even paid a lot of money and fought to give me their name so that I would always and indisputably be one of them. My former family turned their backs on me and my brother when we were just kids, but the Barnstables have always been there for us and treated us like true family.  They are a constant source of laughs and entertainment at any time, any place, and any occasion!!

I am thankful to have so many friends in almost every state of the country who love and care about me and are always there for me when I need someone.  They are a constant source of support, encouragement, and laughter.

I am thankful for the AMAZING feats I have accomplished in my life—winning 2 state beauty pageant titles and one national title, walking the runway in 3 huge fashion shows, appearing in a full-page spread in Tiara Magazine, meeting and befriending several celebrities such as Walt Willey and Jojo Sayson, and Amanda Marcotte, and becoming a budding national spokeswoman for reproductive rights.  Sometimes when I look back on all the various things I have done in just the past few years, I think to myself “WOW!! I’ve had a pretty awesome life!!”

I am thankful for various little things—my beautiful brand new car that runs like a dream, OnStar navigation, Satellite Radio, having the know-how to build and run my very own website, my two adorable kitties Bailey and Lexy, my awesome gift for music that I inherited from my family, etc.

And finally, I am thankful for the new blessing and chapter that is about to begin in my life—starting the rest of my life in southern Florida, my true home.  It has taken me 31 years, but soon I will finally be where I truly belong—next to the ocean where it never gets cold.  I am always completely at peace and in my own element when I’m near the water and I’ve known since I was very young that I somehow belong there.  It’s almost overwhelming to think that I’m almost there.  Once I’m home in Florida, I won’t ever be leaving.  I plan on living out the rest of my life there and being buried at sea when I die.

Well there you have it.  You know, I think this list would be a good thing for me to read on days when I’m discouraged or feeling down to remind myself that no matter what comes my day each day, I still have a pretty blessed and awesome life!!

Florida, Here I Come!!!

In less than 48 hours from now, I will be escaping down to West Palm Beach and Miami, Florida for 9 days of sun, sand, and lots of sea!!!  This will be my 3rd trip to Florida.   This year I went through VRBO.com and rented condo in Lake Worth right next to the Intracoastal Canal, a mere 3blocks away from the ocean.  I have found that renting a condo can be quite a bit cheaper than staying in a hotel for a week.   My itinerary includes a steady diet of sea food and margaritas all week long; many long days of sunbathing, swimming, and seashell hunting from sunrise until sundown; snorkeling with tropical fish and shooting underwater photos at Peanut Island; visiting a topless beach in South Beach, Miami; and sailing on the high sea in a 35 foot sailboat!!!  I will be sailing with Captain Don Newmann from the West Palm Beach Sailboat Club in his sailing vessel.  Capt. Don is also a sailing instructor, so I will be learning a thing or two about how to operate a sailboat during our expedition on the Atlantic Ocean.  We will be sailing down the Florida coast on the Gulf Stream wind, which Capt. Don says all professional sailors throughout the last 500 years know that the Gulf Stream wind is THE BEST air stream to sail by.  It provides for optimal sailing conditions, especially in the crystal clear waters of the south Atlantic and Caribbean.  I am just beside myself with excitement; I have never before been on a sailboat or out on the ocean in my entire life!!  I am well-prepared for this trip in every way possible.  I have a brand new wardrobe of sexy beach-wear clothing from Victoria’s Secret, I have a rental car lined up so I can easily get around, and I have compiled a special Florida playlist of music on my Ipod complete with nautical music by Sting to listen to while walking and relaxing seaside and Latin tunes by Gloria Estefan, Jennifer Lopez, and Enrique Iglesias to listen to while driving and doing whatever else. The next three weeks will be spent doing pre-trip body maintenance--hair coloring, acrylic nail fill and pedicure, body waxing, and exercise work-outs to ensure that I will look HOTT on the beach.  I will be flying out of St. Louis at 6:00 AM and arriving in Florida at around 11:30 Eastern Time, so I should be lying on the beach with a drink in my hand by noon!! :)

What's With All These Grumpy Old Men Ranting About Birth Control?

Why do Orrin Hatch and other grumpy old men hate birth control so much??

On August 1^st Kathleen Sebellius, Secretary for the Department of Health and Human Services, accepted the recommendations by scientists at the Institute of Medicine to mandate that all insurance companies cover the full cost of birth control without co-pay.  This recommendation was based off the scientists' findings that increased access of FDA-approved birth control to all women would greatly improve women’s health, reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions, and cut down on health care costs associated with multiple pregnancies and complications.  The IOM recommended that all health insurance carriers cover the cost of birth control with no co-pay in order to make prescription contraception easier to access by low-income women.  This new regulation will not only cover the costs of contraception, but will also cover the costs for breast pumps for nursing mothers, STD-testing and treatment, and counseling for breastfeeding, STD's, and domestic violence.  Basically, these new regulations will require that insurance companies cover more of the costs for preventative care, which will in turn keep people healthier and keep the health care and Welfare costs down.  I had no doubt that Sebellius would affirm these recommendations, because making sure women have good access to preventative care (and yes, birth control IS preventative care since it treats a myriad of female disorders and prevents unwanted pregnancy) will improve their health and in turn cut down on health care costs.  It costs FAR less for insurance companies to cover the costs of month birth control than it does to pay for pre-natal care, delivery, and health care for the children once they are born.  The cost of birth control can range from $50 - $100 per month.  The cost of raising ONE child from birth to age 18 is about $150,000 or more.  You do the math.  With the way our current economy is in complete shambles and millions of people are suddenly finding themselves without a job and a means to provide for their children, you’d think EVERYONE would be on board with doing whatever it takes to help women stay healthy and limit their family size.

But alas, this is not the case.  As soon as the GOP caught wind of these recommendations and heard the words "women", "health care", and "access to birth control", their emergency alarms went off just as I expected they would.  And oh boy did the sh*t hit the fan!!!  Literally every misogynistic anti-woman politician has now come out of the woodwork to voice their backwards opinions on women and women’s health.  Their ranting against women is so insane and comical that I’ve been sitting back and treating it like entertainment!  You can’t turn on Fox News anymore without hearing nonstop, venomous nonsense about “irresponsible, promiscuous sluts” and how cheaper birth control will suddenly turn ALL women in the US into raging whores.  It’s as infuriating as it is hilarious.  Repeating their statements myself just doesn’t do enough justice, so I’ll just let you listen to their incoherent ranting and raving against women yourselves…

Bill O’Reilly says that “Women who have sex are always blasted out of their minds and won’t remember to take their birth control anyway, so what’s the point?”  I guess he doesn't understand that birth control is something a woman takes every day, not just right before she has sex.

Sean “Insannity” Hannity snorts that birth control “has nothing to do with women’s health and is just an excuse to screw around” while vehemently defending Viagra and other male enhancement drugs as “valid medication to treat a real medical problem”.  Please.

Iowa Republican Rep. Steve King laments that birth control will completely wipe out the American population...and boo-hoo's over the fact that the average American woman only has 2 children on average.  Guess we ladies better start doing our patriotic duty and start pumping out half a dozen kids or more!!

Listen real good there, Ladies!  Do you hear that??  THIS is what YOUR government thinks of you, Ladies.  Your elected government officials think you are nothing more than worthless, promiscuous sluts who can’t be trusted to take control of your own health and fertility….even if you are married and monogamous. To the millions of women out there who use prescription birth control to treat all kinds of female disorders or who are MARRIED and are trying to plan your family the way you want, are you going to take this garbage or are you going to speak out and fight back against such hateful lies and nonsense?  Let’s look at the facts here:  98% of American women already use some form of birth control.  Just think about that for a second….98%.  That is an overwhelming majority.  There is not a single TV show that 98% of Americans watch or a sports team that can claim 98% of  Americans as its fans.  In a political era as polarized as the one we’re  in now, it seems that birth control is the ONLY thing that virtually everyone is in agreement on!!  If you don’t feel insulted by these men insinuating that you are an immoral, promiscuous slut for using birth control, you should be.  These pigs have no right to make such gross assumptions about the entire female population. Having access to more affordable birth control is not going to suddenly make every married (or single) woman start opening her legs for every man she sees.  Grow up.

What exactly is going on here??  Where is all of this anti-birth control nonsense coming from?  In this modern day and age, with the high costs of raising children and other living necessities, why do so many male politicians seem to be in favor of making women give birth to litters of children??  To answer this question, we have to look deeper beneath the surface of these men to understand what’s really going on.  This anti-women’s health and anti-birth control stance has nothing to do with religion, morals, or common sense and has everything to do with an extreme patriarchal sense of male entitlement.  These men are on an obscene power trip of astronomical proportions and, to be quite frank, these are the type of men who deep down think that everyone on earth--especially women--should bow down and worship their Almighty Penises.  To these men, women are nothing more than chattel whose bodies are to be “owned and operated” by men.  This explains exactly why men like Sean Insannity vehemently defend easy insurance-covered access to Viagra so that ‘Little Hannity” can be ready for action at any minute, yet begrudge women any kind of health care that might prevent them from becoming impregnated and giving birth to all products of conception created by their Almighty Penises.  To these guys, their penises are sacred and every pregnancy and child women bear as a result of these men’s sexual conquests are a living trophy of their “manliness”.  It’s why you sometimes might hear a guy brag about how many times he got his wife or girlfriend pregnant or brag about how many children he has (even if he doesn't provide any support for them); it’s just a way for him to show off his male virility.  Of course, a REAL man with a modicum of maturity understands that children are expensive and thus works with his wife/girlfriend to plan pregnancies accordingly.  But obviously, we’re not talking about maturity when discussing men like O’Reilly and Hannity.  These are nothing more than man-children with bloated egos who want total control over women’s bodies and could care less if our physical health is dependent upon taking hormonal contraceptives to treat debilitating female disorders.

I for one am very excited and pleased to hear about the new birth-control coverage regulations. We all know from my pageant platform “Our Bodies, Our Futures” that I am dedicated to preventing unwanted pregnancies and abortions, and making contraception more accessible to those who need it is THE #1 way to do this!!!  The misogynistic Right-Wing blowhards can scream and howl about it all they want.  I could care less about what they think of me or other women; their opinion of us is sh*t.  I just hope that their incessant temper tantrums won’t do anything to cause the powers-that-be who approved this ruling to bow under pressure and change their minds, because we’ve got a good thing going here with this.

And to lighten the mood here, I now give you a bit by the awesome Steven Colbert that perfectly and beautifully sums up the ridiculous rhetoric spouted off in the above-mentioned videos.  Enjoy!! :)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Women's Health-Nazi Plan
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Why Do Smart Women Cling To Bad Men?

This post is about domestic violence. It is an edited version of an older post that I re-wrote in order to better illustrate my point. Plus, the older one was just too long anyway.

Lately I’ve been watching a crazy situation unfold with an acquaintance of mine. It's so messed up that it almost seems like something you'd see on an episode of Jerry Springer. As a rather straight-forward thinking woman with some common sense, it all seems very outrageous from my viewpoint and it really struck a chord with me. After thinking about it and observing other female friends, acquaintances, and strangers, I started to see that this is a much more common phenomenon than I had previously thought. And as someone who strives to empower women, I feel this issue needs to be heavily addressed.

Two years ago, this acquaintance of mine discovered that her husband was leading a double life. He had been lying to her and cheating on her all throughout their marriage. He was literally “servicing” every unhappily married or lonely divorced woman in their town. He was having unprotected sex with scores of women, and thus putting his wife at risk of contracting HIV or other STD’s from him. At one point, about half a dozen middle-aged divorced women all thought he was their “boyfriend” without any clue that they were just one of many. Later on towards the end of their marriage, he started physically hitting her. He even lost his job as a police officer due to his violent outbursts. I think the most unbelievable incident was when he was sent out to investigate a domestic dispute call and arrested a girl for stabbing her husband with a kitchen knife…and then went on to have a love affair with the girl…after arresting her for stabbing a man. I didn’t know it was even possible to be that stupid! So as you can see, this woman’s husband was about as bad as it gets.

After he began hitting her, I expected she would draw the line at that and get herself out of that situation. Many women unfortunately find themselves forced to stay with their abusers because they lack good education and skills and are thus dependent on the men for shelter, sustenance, and money. Others find it difficult to leave because they have young children with their abuser. But this woman is one of the lucky few. She is highly educated, has a successful career, has no children, and even made more money than her husband. So she could literally walk away from him at any time. But she didn’t. Instead of leaving him or at least forcing him to face some consequences for his abusive behavior towards her, she remained with him and clung even tighter to him by buying him gifts and taking him on exotic vacations. At one point, she DID get up the nerve to get an order of protection against him after he hit her, but then took him down to the Caribbean with her only a week later as if nothing had happened. They eventually divorced and moved into separate homes, but she still continued clinging to him…even paying his bills for him now that he had no job! Then several months later, she gleefully announced she was pregnant with his child. And this isn’t her first pregnancy announcement since their divorce, either. There was another one that was either a miscarriage or a false alarm. That means this has been an ongoing thing since they split…she has been trying to get pregnant with her ex-husband who abused her.


Those of us who know her and know about the situation were absolutely dumbfounded. After picking our jaws up from the floor, we all wondered aloud “What the hell is she thinking?!” This woman’s husband had abused her, disrespected her, and put her at all kinds of risks. Now that she was divorced from him, she had the opportunity to walk away in the other direction and start a better life for herself…but instead she chose to cling to him and purposely conceive a child with him so that she will now be tied to him for the rest of her life. And his behavior has not improved one bit; he is still cavorting around with every female he sees, drinking all the time, and taking his aggression out on others. While she is proudly showing off her pregnant belly as if they were still happily married, he could care less that he has a child on the way. And since she already knew that he was having unprotected sex with scores of women, that means she willingly put herself at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease from him in her pursuit to get pregnant by him. Purposely creating a new life just to trap someone into staying in your life forever and knowingly putting your own physical health in jeopardy is about as selfish and irresponsible as it gets. Did she ever stop to think that perhaps a man who has violent tendencies, drinks heavily, and can’t hold down a job probably would not make a very good parent for a child? She doesn’t seem to realize that getting pregnant by a man she was already long divorced from isn’t exactly something to be proud of. I also don’t think she realizes what her life will be like 20 years from now when she’ll still be single and half of her life will have passed her by because she will have spent all her years clinging to this jerk and fighting with him over their child. In many ways, she has ended her own life and robbed herself of a future.


I’ve just been baffled by all this because I can’t understand for the life of me why any woman would ever put up with such unacceptable behavior from a man or insist on clinging to such a jerk at all costs. I have never really been in a relationship where I endured physical abuse, but I have had my share of relationships where the man tried to exercise control over me or cat around with other women behind my back. And I refuse to put up with it for one second. When a man tries to tell me how to dress, how to wear my hair, what I can or can't read, go, or do, I tell him to get lost. When he sleeps with other women behind my back, I kick him into the gutter and leave him there with the garbage where he belongs. If a man ever hit me, he’d only get to hit me ONCE…and then I would break every bone in his body with a baseball bat. I would not remain friends with him afterwards, I would not buy him gifts, I would not take him on vacation with me, I would not pay his bills for him, I would not continue sleeping with him, and I most certainly would not try to get pregnant on purpose with him!! This is why I want so badly to shake this girl and yell at her “Look at what you’re doing; how could you possibly be so STUPID?!” But then I noticed other women doing the exact same thing--stubbornly clinging to men who were abusive and clearly not good for them--and that‘s when I realized that this is not an isolated incident. It’s an epidemic. And I couldn’t help but wonder why so many women seem to choose to be victimized. Why are so many beautiful, intelligent women so desperate and willing to sabotage their own lives and happiness by doing anything they can to remain involved with unhealthy or even dangerous men?? What has happened to cause so many women to think so little of themselves and what they truly deserve?? Why have so many women come to believe that being involved with an abusive, cheating jerk is the best option they have for a relationship?? That’s when I realized that it’s not because so many women are “stupid”…it’s because they have absolutely no self-esteem at all.


This story illustrates a huge problem that is rampant in our culture and needs to be addressed: Women like my acquaintance cling to men who are unhealthy for them because they have little self-esteem and believe that their happiness, success, and value as a human relies upon being attached to a man. To them, having ANY man at their side--even a very bad one--is better than not having a man at all, because they truly believe that they are worth less when they are single. This explains why so many women I have known have stayed with abusive men and would not leave them until they had another new boyfriend lined up and ready to immediately transition to. They could not stand the thought of being single and “alone” for one minute; they had to immediately jump from one relationship into another to preserve their sense of self-worth. They have never allowed themselves to have any “alone time” to get to know themselves better and tend to their own needs, wants, and goals.  This is why the acquaintance of mine continued to be friends with her ex-husband and continued sleeping with him even after they divorced.  She wanted to continue being with him in any way she could even though he had physically abused her and treated her like dirt.  She would rather tie herself to him for the rest of her life by purposely conceiving a child with him rather than leave him in the gutter where he belongs and try to start a new life for herself with a better man who would treat her the way a man should treat a woman.  She has always been a rather heavy-figured girl and doesn't have a lot of self-confidence, and so she thinks this loser is the best guy she will ever be able to have.  It's really sad.  Ladies, we have all GOT to start loving and respecting ourselves more and stop settling for less than what we deserve!! And that includes NOT settling for or clinging to men who disrespect us, abuse us, or don’t treat us as the Princesses we all are!! If you are in a relationship with a man who cheats on you, beats you up, verbally abuses you, controls every aspect of your life, or does anything else that infringes on your happiness and autonomy, GET RID OF HIM!!! Run away as fast as you can and don’t look back!! Do NOT suppress your unhappiness and stay with him just so you can have a boyfriend/husband, do NOT hang on to him if you do leave him or if he leaves you, and for God’s sake do NOT get pregnant with him on purpose!!! Some of you who are reading this may be in bad relationships yourselves. If so, I hope this blog post will be a wake-up call for you. The fate of my acquaintance is sealed; she has chosen to doom herself for life. But YOU don’t have to make that same mistake. My acquaintance made the decision to be trapped and unhappy for the rest of her life, but you can actively make the decision to be happy and free if that is what you desire! Love and respect yourself enough to have a happy, successful, and safe life that you deserve, both for you and your children. Like they say on the L’Oreal hair color commercials, “Because you’re worth it!”

Sharks At the Shedd!!!

I shot this footage of full-sized sharks when Edward and I went to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago a month ago.  I edited the video by splicing together different segments and adding music to hide the background noise.  It's REALLY neat!!!

My Name Is Not Suzy Q. Homemaker

Until the day comes when I will pack up my belongings and move far away, one annoying aspect of living in a small town (or the entire Midwest region for that matter) that I must deal with from time to time is that I often get asked by people, "Why aren't you married yet?"  "Why don't you have any kids yet?"  "You need to hurry up and settle down, that's what you're supposed to do."  "You should be taking care of a home and a family instead of running around doing all the stuff you do."

Really.  Says who??

I must have missed the memo that I'm supposed to settle down and start reproducing and baking apple pies.  Where is this life rule written down or carved in stone at??  And what exactly is the punishment for not following this "rule"??

I don't think a lot of people realize that not everyone is cut out for that kind of life.  And I think it's especially difficult for people in rural small town communities to understand that concept.

There's a good reason why I haven't settled down yet. When I think of married life with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, I picture mini-vans, PTA meetings, frumpy clothes, shuttling kids to and from soccer practice, doing laundry, watching soap operas, and having the most exciting part of your day be trying to decide what to fix for supper.  I've read enough daily Facebook status updates from married moms to get a pretty good idea of what married family life is like.  And honestly, it doesn't sound that appealing to me.  I actually gave this "happy homemaker" life a try once several years ago when I lived with my boyfriend and his 4-year-old son for a few months.  That was long enough for me to find out that it was physically & mentally exhausting, dreadfully boring, and spiritually draining.  Following them both around the house picking up after every mess they made day after day got old REALLY fast.  I'm not trying to knock down homemakers or insinuate that no woman should ever want to live that kind of life, because I know that there are many women out there who do live the kind of life I described above and and do seem to enjoy and thrive in it.  It's their niche.  I think it's perfectly fine if other women want to have that life.  All I'm saying is that I'm a different kind of person and the only way I could ever put on an apron and devote my life to cooking, doing laundry and dishes, and cleaning up after a man and kids is if I were pumped full of Prozac and had a steady supply of martinis handy. I'm just not cut out for that kind of life, and trying to push me into it isn't going to do any favors for me or the rest of society.

You see, I've learned something about myself in the last few years:  I like my freedom.  A LOT.  I like being able to do what I want without having to answer to anyone.  I like being able to come and go wherever I please anytime of the day or night.  I like being able to spend my hard-earned money on myself.  I like being able to relax whenever I feel like it.  I lilke being able to travel to far away places at the drop of a hat.  I like being able to be in beauty pageants & fashion shows, read books and do research, and do all of the other activities I love without being hampered in any way.  If I were to settle down and become a typical wife and mother, a lot of that freedom would end.  And for me, that is a sobering thought.

I'm also what you'd call a "glamour girl".  I love high heels, gowns, designer accessories, big sparkly jewelry, and red lipstick.  I have a lot in common with women like Marilyn Monroe and Elle Woods from "Legally Blonde".  That's my role in life and I embrace it completely.  I've known that's the kind of woman I wanted to be ever since I was a little girl.  I'm also very career and goal driven.  I have a few social causes that I completely throw myself into.  My mission is to one day have a job that will allow me to work in one of the causes I support.  If possible, I would LOVE to work somewhere in the media, whether it be on TV, radio, or internet.  My great-aunt says she can totally see me doing that.  I just don't see how either of these roles could ever coincide with the type of life that everyone else seems to think I should have.  It would be like mixing oil and water. You know, there's a good reason why our feminist foremothers fought so hard to give future generations of women more options for their lives--because the rigid housewife-and-mother role that all women were forced into decades ago does not work well for everyone.

Does this mean I am completely opposed to ever being married or having kids?  Not necessarily...but I am definitely very leery of it.  It's not just the idea of losing my freedom and all the things I enjoy doing in life that turns me off on the idea, but the fact that the majority of marriages nowdays last no longer than a few short years doesn't make me anxious to jump into this either.  Right now, at least 90% of my married friends and peers are on their 2nd or 3rd spouse.  Yikes!  I don't want to leap into marriage and family life because I'm "supposed to" only to end up with TWO jerk ex-husbands battling me for child support & visitation and a handful kids with different fathers.  And I definitely don't want to end up like some people I know who rushed into marriage only to find out that they aren't right for each other but are forcing themselves to stay together in a miserable marriage because they have a child together.  Who the hell would ever want to live like THAT and fight with each other all the time and be miserable everyday??  I might eventually be open to the idea of it as long as no one tried to make me fit into some rigid stereotypical role that I'm not meant to fulfill or strip me of my freedom and identity.

However, I don't think people realize that even if I ever did agree to settle down someday, my daily life as a wife and mother would STILL be quite different than most people's. For starters, I would absolutely keep and maintain my career. Being a stay-at-home wife or mother is just not doable for me. If I had to stay home everyday, I'd go stir-crazy. I have to be out in the world doing things. I also refuse to sit idle and let someone else financially support me. It just wouldn't feel right to me. I feel that as long as I have the ability and the will to work and contribute, I should. I get a lot of satisfaction and pride from earning my own money. Secondly, I don't want to "lose myself", which often happens when you devote yourself to raising kids. I don't want the highlight of my day to be finishing the laundry or trying to think of an idea of what to cook for the next meal. I don't want to post Facebook updates about what I cooked for lunch or supper as if it was the only exciting part of my day. I don't want to drive a minivan, listen to Kidz Bop CD's in the car, or let my appearance turn into rundown and frumpy. I REFUSE to ever trade in my stilettos and pant suits for tennis shoes and T-shirts!!! You can see where I'm going with this. One of my friends once laughed and said to me that if I ever became a wife and mother, my life would look a lot like those women on "Real Housewives" or "Pregnant In Heels". Haha! Not exactly, but she makes a good point--Even if I did decide to settle down like everyone else, I will never be anything like June Cleaver or Roseanne, so I would probably STILL get a lot of static from people for not living a "normal" life. So what's the point?

Our culture has conditioned us to label women who display apprehension or displeasure at the thought of marriage and motherhood as "selfish".  And yes, some people do call me “selfish”, “self-centered”, or “materialistic” for being so apprehensive about settling down and not wanting to accept the roles and characteristics that our society thinks women my age should embody.  And you know what?  They’re absolutely right...I AM materialistic, selfish, and self-centered.  Not having to worry about anyone but yourself is a privilege few people get to enjoy at my age. I like it that way.  It saves me a lot of stress and drama.  As far as being materialistic and selfish goes, I like nice things, I know what I want in life, I go after it, and I refuse to settle for anything less.  What’s wrong with that?  Nothing.  My current lifestyle isn’t hurting anyone.  It’s not like I’m out there exploiting people or taking anything away from them.  I have my favorite charities and social causes that I heavily support, and I’m always happy to help someone in need or share what I have with them.  Other than that, my life is mine to enjoy. I’m in no hurry to settle down and put my needs & wants behind someone else’s.

If it seems like I am being overly critical of settling down, it's because having other people constantly trying to push that way of life onto me only makes it seem even more unappealing to me.  Nothing makes me turn up my nose at something quicker than when I sense that it's being pushed onto me.  There's no such thing as a "normal" way of life anyway.  Don't they know that?  Why can't people just live and let live?  Why do so many feel the need to tell others how they should live their lives and what paths in life they should follow?

I think my Uncle Mark has the answer to that question.  He has a phrase that explains it all:  "Misery loves company."  The people who are truly happy being married and raising kids aren't the ones bugging me to settle down like them, because they're too busy enjoying their own lives to bother hounding me about mine.  It's the ones who aren't truly happy or satisfied with their lives who are on my back all the time.  As Uncle Mark says, these people aren't really happy with the way their own lives turned out, so they want everyone else to follow in their footsteps and be miserable right along with them.   The ones who are always giving me static about not settling down yet have either never experienced the kind of freedom I enjoy, or at one time long ago they enjoyed being free before they settled down and now they look at me and miss that old freedom.  Either way, they resent me being free to do what I want and that's why they want me to hurry up and be just like them.  Another explanation is pure jealousy.  To put it quite frankly, there are some people out there who just cannot stand it that I have won a few pageant crowns, modeled in a few runway fashion shows, and have appeared in a magazine a few times.  And they hate and fear the fact that there is nothing they can do to stop me from succeeding and doing what I love.  So all they can do is try to pressure me into settling down and having children in the hopes that I will then be too tied down to continue doing the awesome things I've done.  Well I can see right through their ploy and I am not falling for their game.  Calling me a "spinster" and telling me that unless I have children RIGHT NOW my eggs will dry up and I'll never be able to have children in the future is not going to convince me to run out right now, grab the first man I see, drag him to the marriage altar, start pumping out kids, and stay at home to play Happy Wifey and Mommy instead of striving for success. So stop wasting your time.

Anytime someone insists that others live the same way of life that they do or follow the same beliefs that they do, that is indicative of an underlying problem.  It is never OK to insist that everyone else be just like you or dictate how other people should live their lives.  You certainly don't see me demanding that everyone else turn away from marriage and motherhood and compete in beauty pageants or do any of the things that I do.  I'm perfectly happy to let others alone to live their chosen lives, and all I want to do is be free to live my life without anyone else trying to push me into a lifestyle I don't want or tell me that my way is "wrong" or "abnormal".  And again, I can't help but think that this will happen only when I finally relocate to another region of the country where I will fit in better and where nobody will bother to care about how I live my life.

Congress says birth control is OK for wild horses, but not for women.

Which of these two would get birth control if the anti-choice leadership of the U.S. House of Representatives gets its way?

Politico and RH Reality Check are reporting that anti-choice Rep. Dan Burton of Indiana has introduced an amendment to a spending bill that would promote contraception--for wild horses.

This comes at the same time as the anti-choice House leadership is pushing to eliminate all funding for Title X, the nation's only domestic family-planning program for humans.

House members fighting to preserve a horse's right to birth control would be laughable, if they weren't trying to block women from accessing contraception at the exact same time.  You know what this move says??  It says that our own government considers the worth of a woman & her health to be less than that of a horse's.  Hey, Rep. Burton, Afghanistan called...they said they'd like you to give them back their views & opinions on women that you borrowed from them.

 

As a woman, I am utterly insulted.  And every other woman out there readig this should be insulted and outraged, too!

Ohio “Heartbeat” Bill Could Ban Abortion Just 18 Days After Conception!!

(As reported by Feministing)

Ohio lawmakers will soon introduce a new abortion bill that would make abortion illegal as soon as a fetal heartbeat is detected, a move that some commentators say would mean a complete ban on abortion.

The “Heartbeat” bill will apparently be introduced later this month, right before Valentine’s Day (Get it? Hearts! Why let an unprecedented attack on women’s bodily autonomy get in the way of your seriously tacky marketing?) by Republican Representative Lynn Wachtmann. The bill is the first of its kind in the country, and if it passes we can expect copycats from other strictly anti-choice states like Texas and Oklahoma.  Robin Marty, writing at Alternet, explains why this bill would be tantamount to a complete abortion ban:

By establishing heartbeat as the criteria for banning abortion, the bill effectively rejects abortion from any point after roughly four weeks post conception, a time in which fetal heartbeat can be seen via high quality ultrasound machine. For most women, that would provide a window of two weeks or less in order to learn she was pregnant, make her decision about the pregnancy, arrange for an appointment, gather money for an abortion, obtain the mandatory counseling and sit through the required 24 hour waiting period. For a woman with irregular menstrual cycles, by the time she realizes she is pregnant it likely would already be too late to do anything but continue the pregnancy.

As Marty points out, this bill is, at first glance, less restrictive than the absurd “personhood” bills we’ve seen in the last few years, most notably in Colorado. Those bills grant constitutional rights to fertilized eggs and embryos, which of course do not have heartbeats. But the “heartbeat” bill is far more targeted at abortion than the personhood bills, which also inhibit IVF and some intrauterine contraceptive devices. While these lighter restrictions sound better to pro-choice ears, Marty sees them as a curse rather than a blessing. “With ‘Personhood,’ pro-choicers were able to hang all women’s autonomy together,” she says. “With ‘Heartbeat’ anti-choicers are trying to isolate women who want to terminate pregnancies, targeting them in isolation.”

If you are in Ohio and want to get involved in efforts to stop this bill, contact Planned Parenthood, which divides the state into Northeast, Southwest and Central Ohio. This is serious, and something I’ll be keeping a close eye on. If you’re in-state and want to get involved, don’t put it off!!

US Conference of Catholic Biships Speaking Out Against No-Cost Birth Control in the New Health-Reform Law

(As reported on NARAL's Blog For Choice)

More than 30 million American women need access to birth control. But, for many, it's simply too expensive. One in three women has struggled with the high cost of prescription birth control at some point in her life. 

Fortunately, the days of unaffordable birth control could end. Under the Women's Health Amendment, which is part of the health-reform law, contraception could be classified as preventive care. This means that it would be available to women at no cost in insurance plans that will be part of the new health-care system. 

NARAL Pro-Choice America cited this progress when Congress passed the health-reform bill last spring. Now we and our network of 21 state affiliates are making the push for no-cost birth control one of our top priorities this year. Donna Crane, our policy director, testified yesterday before a special panel appointed by the Institute of Medicine. She urged the panel to make birth control available at no cost, and explained that such a decision would mark a major step forward in helping women prevent unintended pregnancy:

In addition to bringing more than 30 million Americans into the health-care system, the federal health-reform law presents an unprecedented opportunity to improve women's access to comprehensive, preventive reproductive-health care by ensuring the affordability of family-planning services for all women. The current "system," such as it is, is expensive, uncoordinated, and, frankly, patchwork at best. Consequently, the United States has a far higher unintended-pregnancy rate than other industrialized countries.  Nearly half of all U.S. pregnancies are unintended, with more than three million unplanned pregnancies occurring each year.

Predictably, anti-choice forces, including the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Family Research Council, already are trying to block women's access to birth control. Their reasoning? According to one anti-contraception group, "We don't consider it to be health care, but a lifestyle choice."

NARAL Pro-Choice America will continue working to ensure that no-cost birth-control coverage is included as an essential part of the new health-care system. A decision on whether to include birth control as preventive care should come within the next year.

Mexican Women Convicted of Homicide for Abortion

(As reported on the Ms. Magazine Blog)



Six Mexican women have been sentenced to 25 to 30 years in prison on homicide charges for aborting their pregnancies.

Of the six unplanned pregnancies, two were because of rape. One woman miscarried. Activists say all six women, residents of the extremely conservative state of Guanajuato, were abandoned by the men who got them pregnant.

In this decade alone, more than 40 women have been put on trial for abortion in Mexico, a criminal offense that is punishable by up to three years in prison under the penal code.

Currently Mexico City is the only place in Mexico where abortions can be performed legally. In the last three years 40,000 women have undergone abortions in Mexico City and, of those, 1,200 have traveled to Mexico City from other states.

Reproductive rights groups in Mexico are fighting to expand abortion rights outward from the capital and to other parts of Mexico.

Marcy Bloom, an officer for the Informational Group on Reproductive Choice, GIRE, said:

The struggle for Mexican women’s reproductive rights is a very rough road, as it is for women and girls everywhere in the world, but I do believe that we will ultimately prevail as GIRE and other women’s groups in Mexico stay focused on working for women’s respect and access to legal and safe abortion for all.

GIRE played a critical role in the decriminalization of abortion in Mexico City in 2007.

14-Year-Old Bangladeshi Rape Victim Flogged To Death

(As reported on Ms. Magazine Blog)



Hena Begum, a 14-year-old old Bangladeshi girl, was publicly flogged recently in Shariatpur, 35 miles outside of the capital, Dhaka after being accused of having an affair with her 40-year-old old married cousin. According to the BBC, a village court made up of Islamic clerics and elders sentenced Begum to 100 lashes under Islamic Sharia law. The girl lost consciousness after 80 lashes and her family, who were also ordered to pay 50,000 taka (approximately $700), took her to the hospital where she died six days later.

“What sort of justice is this?” Begums father told the BBC.  “My daughter has been beaten to death in the name of justice. If it had been a proper court then my daughter would not have died.”
As for the “affair” accusation, Bangladesh’s Daily Star suggests that Begum was actually raped by the cousin.

Four people, including a Muslim cleric, have also been arrested in connection with Begum’s death and the police are looking for an additional 14 people who were involved. The country’s High Court has ordered officials in Shariatpur to explain why Begum was sentenced under Sharia law, since Sharia punishment was made illegal in October 2010. That’s when the High Court declared Bangladesh a secular state, making the issuing of fatwas illegal and a punishable offense.

Begum’s death is a testament to how, despite efforts by Bangladeshi women’s rights groups and civil society, the legal system in the country remains inaccessible for the majority of the population. It often fails to protect those who need it the most: women and children. Longtime Bangladeshi women’s rights activist and former Member of Parliament, Tasmima Hossain, explained the situation to me:

The legal system in our country has failed to reach the ordinary masses. Neither the Government nor the NGOs or any legal system is physically or financially accessible to 90 percent of the people. They cannot afford it. So the primitive Sharia law takes advantage of that in the name of salish, or arbitrary rulings like we have seen in the case of Hena Begum. The so-called mullahs and local village leaders take advantage of the situation in the name of religion.

The BBC reports that dozens of fatwas are issued under Sharia law each year by village clergy in Bangladesh, and this is the second death linked to Sharia punishment despite the practice being outlawed: In December, a 40-year-old woman died in the Rajshahi district after she was caned publicly for having an affair with her stepson.

A Common Sense Solution To A Never-Ending Debate

(Written by Miss Illinois US Beauties Jordan, published in the "Celebrating the Success of the Modern Woman Online Magazine" on 02/22/10)

For the past 40 years, America has been viciously divided over the issues of women’s reproductive rights and options, particularly the issue of abortion.  And with the recent battle over health care reform, our country is being torn apart even more by this issue.  As someone who has spent years studying history, politics, and social issues, I have watched both sides of this fierce debate battle head-to-head nonstop…and in the end, the outcome has changed very little.  Regardless of which side gains footing and gets their way, there are still approximately 3 million unwanted pregnancies in he US each year, and 1.3 million of those unwanted pregnancies end in abortion.  And that in itself is a tragedy. 

As a Realist and someone who tries hard to follow common sense, I have discovered that there is a very practical and very possible solution to this never ending battle that would produce results that would please BOTH sides of the debate.  Ultimately, both sides have a common goal, and that is for fewer abortions to occur.  Both sides can agree that it would be far better for women if we didn’t have to find ourselves in the stressful situation of being faced with an unwanted pregnancy in the first place and having to go through with an abortion.  Any woman who has had one will tell you that they are expensive, time-consuming, and painful.  It seems that no matter where you go, no one can ever seem to reach an agreement on what to do to solve this divisive issue. So let me be the one to offer a winning solution to this battle.  Abortion bans do NOT end abortion or reduce the frequency of women seeking it, but here is what DOES: birth control…and lots of it. 

The solution is very simple: There will be no need for abortions to occur if women aren't getting pregnant in the first place. All forms of contraception need to be plentiful and readily available to anyone who needs them. Every woman of childbearing age who is sexually active needs to have easy access to affordable contraceptives. It should be covered by all health insurance carriers to ensure that women can afford it. There need to be more family planning clinics open in more locations so that women won't have to travel long distances to receive reproductive healthcare services and contraceptives, and so that women without health insurance can receive the services they need for free or at a reduced cost.  Emergency contraception should also be readily available to any woman who experiences a contraception failure, and it should be available at every pharmacy counter and offered at every hospital emergency room for women who have survived a sexual assault. Furthermore, every woman should be able to fill a prescription for birth control or purchase emergency contraception at any pharmacy without delay, hassle, or intimidation from a self-righteous pharmacist who can't mind his/her own business. I even advise women to keep a stock of Emergency Contraception stored in their home medicine cabinets to be used or given to a friend should a mishap occur. The general public also needs to be accurately informed about the purpose and use of Emergency Contraception: It is NOT an abortion pill. It will NOT terminate a pregnancy, it PREVENTS pregnancy from occurring. Emergency contraception is simply a highly concentrated dose of the hormones found in regular birth control pills that works to prevent pregnancy by temporarily stopping the reproductive cycle in its tracks so that ovulation and/or fertilization cannot occur. If a woman is already pregnant when she takes Emergency Contraception, it will not terminate her pregnancy.

The common tactic used to resolve the abortion debate is legislating bans on it.  However, banning abortion will NOT lessen or stop it, it will only send it back underground where it will be performed illegally in unsanitary conditions that will be gravely dangerous to women.   Studies have shown that women in countries where abortion is illegal are still seeking it in the same numbers as women seeking it in countries where it is legal.  According to this data, women faced with an unwanted pregnancy who want to terminate it are desperate enough that they are not deterred by the risks of an illegal, unsanitary abortion.  Many of them become gravely ill or injured—or even die—in the process.  For those who want to see abortion outlawed because it kills unborn children, they must realize that outlawing abortion will only double the number of lives lost by causing the mothers to die as well.  Birth control saves the lives of women and prevents unwanted lives from being conceived and then terminated.

In addition, teens should receive comprehensive, factual medically accurate sex education that teaches them everything they need to know about their bodies and how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy and STD's. They should begin receiving this instruction at the onset of puberty when they begin to become curious about sex, and it should be repeated every year throughout their middle school & high school years until this important information is engrained into their brains. I am not advocating that we should ENCOURAGE young teens to experiment with sex. In fact, I think it's also important to talk about the benefits of abstinence. But the cold hard truth remains that many youth DO decide to have sex instead of waiting until marriage, no matter how much we may try to lecture, scare, or guilt-trip them into waiting. And so this is where the importance of frank, medically accurate information on safe sex comes into play. This is vital knowledge that will serve to keep them healthy and safe not only during their youth, but for the rest of their adult lives. This is not rocket science or some radical idea, folks. It's just basic common sense. Those who know how to protect themselves and effectively prevent pregnancy won't need to have abortions. If we want to reduce or eliminate the need for abortions, we must first make sure that every female has full access to the contraceptives that she needs and erase the shame & stigma that is still attached to the use of birth control and the knowledge of healthy sexual practices. This is 2010 and there is nothing dirty, shameful, or immoral about birth control. It is a basic human necessity and it is as normal as any other medication like penicillin. Having control over our own reproduction is a basic human right. It's what separates us from the animals in nature. And for those of you who think that teaching young people about contraception will only encourage them to have sex at an early age, think again. I received comprehensive sex education when I was in high school, and I even read up on everything I could find about sex and human reproduction just out of sheer curiosity....and I remained a virgin all throughout high school. Even though I chose not to have sex, I still wanted to know everything I could about it so that I would be armed with knowledge when the time came when I would be ready. Sex education didn't encourage me to have sex, it just made me wiser.  And that knowledge has served me well in my adult life. As I always say, the biggest enemy of us all is ignorance, and ignorance must be fought at every turn.

So whether you are “pro-choice” or “pro-life”, I urge you to listen to my words and join in the efforts to make sure that every woman has the contraception she needs to prevent unwanted pregnancies that will result in abortions. More birth control = fewer abortions!!!  Whichever side of the ideological fence you may be on, let’s make a REAL difference by doing something that will reduce/end abortion by eliminating the NEED for it!!  Anyone who truly cares about the lives & health of women and the lives & health of the children they bring forth will support the efforts to ensure that every child is a planned & wanted child and that women have the resources they need to become pregnant only when they WANT to in order to drastically reduce the number of abortions performed. This is not a radical approach to eliminating abortions, it's the common sense approach.

The "Sanctity" of Marriage??

(Written by Miss Illinois US Beauties Jordan)

If you have read in the news or online blogs lately, you might have seen that there is a storm sweeping across the country on the issue of gay marriage.  Several states have proposed or passed laws allowing gays the right to marry while other states are rejecting or striking down these new laws.  California seems to be the focal point of this issue, and the issue of gay marriage is expected to be heard by the U.S. Supreme Court sometime in the near future, where a final official ruling will be made once and for all.

Amidst all of this debate over the issue of gay marriage, the main (and ONLY) argument that has been stated against allowing gays to marry is that it would “destroy the sanctity of marriage.”  Lame.  And it is that very argument that I must speak on right now in this blog.  What “sanctity” of marriage is the Right Wing talking about?!?!  What “sanctity” is there left to defend and protect in the institute of marriage?!?  I am not married, but I know many, MANY people who are married, and I have keenly observed married couples everywhere and listened to stories about their marriages…and divorces.  The number of people I know who are divorced is more than the number of people I know who are still married.  I I have observed the “wedding” craze that so many girls and young women are socialized by our culture into desperately wanting to get married…even if it means giving up on their own education, goals, and dreams.  I have heard many young women say, “I HAVE to get married and start a family by the time I’m 25 or else I’ll just die!!  My life will be ruined!”  

Gay marriage would not destroy heterosexual marriages… heterosexual couples are already destroying their own marriages.  There are people who get married at the slightest whim or in a reckless haste when they are bedazzled by lust and infatuation.  Everyone knows someone who got married by sudden impulse where their friends and family say, “It’ll never last.”  Too many young women are obsessed with the thought of the wedding itself and being a “beautiful bride” instead of focusing on what REALLY matters:  the marriage itself.  They are so busy obsessing and fantasizing about their dream wedding and all of the attention that being a bride will bring them that they are forgetting to ask themselves the important questions:  “Is this the right time in my life to settle down and get married?  Should I wait and finish all of my education first?  Is this really the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?   How will we deal with big issues and tough times that may happen in our marriage?  Will I be able to support myself if my husband were to die or leave me…. or if I suddenly had to leave him?”  If you make a decision that will affect the rest of your life, you better really think it through with a clear mind and not make the decision based on feelings, emotions, or the notions that the media/culture dictates.

Sadly, many young women aren’t even assessing whether or not they are ready to handle the monogamy that comes with marriage.  An old friend of mine recently told me about his own marriage experience.  He is 29 years old and already divorced after only 2 years of marriage.  He and his ex-wife had the $60,000 dream wedding that she had always wanted….and then she cheated on him with an old boyfriend only a month after their wedding.  I have already published an article discussing the low self-esteem affecting many of the young women in our culture and their need to validate their self-worth and gauge their physical attractiveness by how much attention they can attract from men.  When you enter into a committed relationship like marriage, the days of flirting with other men and actively seeking their attention are over and done.  The same goes for married men, too.  The only one you should be checking out, flirting with, or sleeping with is your spouse. For some people who have always had a hard time being monogamous, it can be even more challenging when they have taken marriage vows and have a spouse who isn’t around them all the time due to work, traveling, etc.  And that’s when the true test of commitment and maturity comes in.  It may be tough being married to someone who has to spend a lot of time away from you, but a truly committed wife or husband will stick it out and remain faithful to their spouse.  A good wife or husband would never even THINK of cheating on their spouse, especially just because their spouse isn’t around 24/7 to give them attention whenever they want it.  Marriage is not for quitters or for people who have no patience or run to mommy when things go bad.  Marriage is for mature adults who realize and understand that there will be some tough roads ahead when they make the commitment to spend the rest of their lives with someone, yet they are committed to staying the course.

I see no valid argument for denying gays the right to marry based on the fear that it would destroy the “sanctity of heterosexual marriage” when so many heterosexual couples are hastily marrying one-night-stands out of blinding lust, cheating on their spouses when they don’t get enough attention from them, and view being a bride and wife as something to brag about to non-married people.  There are homosexual couples who have been faithfully together for ten years or longer, yet they are not allowed to validate their love and commitment to each other through a legal marriage simply because they are both of the same gender.  Yet a heterosexual couple who just met and hooked up at a bar the night before can run to Vegas or the nearest courthouse and make vows to God that they won’t end up keeping to commit to each for the rest of their life.  It is a blatant, ugly, glaring hypocrisy.  I’m not saying that every gay marriage would be perfect and last forever, but heterosexuals have no business preaching about the sanctity of marriage and excluding gays from it when we ourselves have made a mockery out of the institution of marriage with our own bad behavior.  If the "sanctity" of marriage is the only argument we have to use against the legalization of gay marriage, then we better come up with a better argument QUICK lest we want to continue to looking like complete bigoted hypocrites!  Before we heterosexuals get on our high horses and begin preaching about the “evils” of gay marriage and the damage it will cause to the institution of marriage, we need to take a long hard look at the damage WE are doing to the institution of marriage.

To All The Men In The World, Please Forgive Me...

(Written by Miss Illinois US Beauties Jordan, published in the "Celebrating the Success of the Modern Woman Online Magazine' on 02/08/10)

To all of the men in the world, please forgive me…

Forgive me demanding the respect that every female deserves.

Forgive me for wanting to be equal to you instead of beneath you.

Forgive me for being a strong woman who stands up for myself and what I believe in instead of "doing what is expected of me" as a woman.

Forgive me if my appearance is not perfect in every way. I don't look like the women you see in Playboy Magazine. I don't have blonde hair, my hair and skin are quite dark.  My breasts aren't a size DD, they are only average size. My facial features aren't perfect like an actress or a supermodel's; they feature traces of another ethnicity. I am not tall and willowy, or even close to being a normal sized person. In fact, I am much shorter and smaller than possibly any other woman you will ever meet. As time goes by, I will slowly age and lose whatever beauty I have. My skin will slowly become dull and wrinkled, my breasts and backside will start to sag, and there will be fat and cellulite in places where there wasn't any before. After many years, I may no longer resemble the woman I was when I was young.

Forgive me if I request that you be my partner in a committed relationship before you are allowed to sleep with me. As a human being and a woman, I deserve to be loved and respected and not treated as an object to be used for someone else's pleasure. Even though we may live in a world in which a female's attractiveness and worth is based on her sex appeal and willingness to engage in sexual activity, I still believe that my body is sacred and should only be shared with those who treasure and respect it as much as I do.

Forgive me if I am not a replica of your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife. I cannot look like she did, act like she did, or do things exactly the same way she did them. I cannot be someone else's replacement, nor would I want to be. I don't want to take another woman's place in your life; I want to have my own special place in your life. I cannot be her; the only woman I can ever be is myself.  I'm sorry that you will have to accept me as myself and expect me to be no one else other than myself.

Forgive me if I don't make a lot of money or come from a wealthy family who can give me anything I want. I don't drive expensive cars or live in a beautiful mansion. What little I have wasn't handed to me; I had to work very hard to earn it. I can't give you a luxurious life or buy you expensive gifts. All I can do is gladly share with you what little I have and give you my love and care, which will never run out as money and riches eventually do. I can't buy you a beautiful mansion, but I can turn the house we have into a comfortable home filled with love, security, and peace where you can come home to every day.

Forgive me for honoring values such as fidelity, honesty, or keeping promises…and forgive me for expecting those same values from you. Forgive me if I ask you to remain faithful to me even when there are other women all around us who are far more beautiful than me. Forgive me if I am determined to hold us together through the difficult times instead of just calling it quits when things get tough. I'm a person who believes in fighting to keep something good alive and putting forth effort to make something work when I think it's worth it, even if the rest of the world doesn't believe in this anymore.

Forgive me if I like to do simple little favors for you such as making a hot meal for you to eat, taking care of you when you are sick, supporting you in all your goals and achievements, or offering you a shoulder to cry on in your times of sorrow. These aren't things I would do to try to smother you or annoy you; these are just things I would do to show that I care for you. They have no monetary value and can't be shown off to others like expensive gifts can, but they come from my heart. Please don't think of them as meaningless, for I would never offer anything I thought was meaningless to someone I care about.

Forgive me for requesting that you not assume I will hurt you or be dishonest towards you simply because someone else did. Even though you may have been hurt or betrayed by another woman before, I am not her. I cannot hurt the ones I love. You won't need to question my motives, or where I go or what I do when you are not around me. I will hide nothing from you; I will gladly share with you all my secrets, personal facts, and stories. I will not abandon you or cheat on you when things get tough; I will be your steadfast rock that you can lean on during your times of trouble.

To all the men in the world who have chosen another woman over me, forgive me for all of these faults of mine and for everything I am and for everything I am not. If you are looking for perfection, then you are wise to pass me up, because I am far from perfect. My physical appearance is flawed, I can't give you every material possession you could ever want, I can't be a clone of another important woman in your past, I hold onto old-fashioned outdated values, and sometimes I will do things for you that most people view as meaningless and unimportant. It's easy to see why so many potential mates have passed me up for a better woman.  A less-than-perfect woman like me is not something that most men want to be with. I understand how easy it is to choose the buxom blonde bombshell who enjoys engaging in casual, non-committed sex, or the wealthy princess who has everything in the world and wants to be spoiled and pampered by her man every waking moment, or the weak woman who is content to be a doormat and let a man tell her what to do. But if there is ever a man out there with a big enough heart to choose me and accept me as I am, then I promise it will be more than worth it for him.